The Gnome in Somebody's Front Yard by B Tal

Please don’t be an Underpants Gnome.

This may come across a bit as a personal rant, so I apologize in advance, but I’m sick to death of people who whine about their situation or talk about improving it but never actually do anything.

I call them Underpants Collectors – inspired both by Steve Kamb of Nerd Fitness’s excellent article and the hilarious South Park episode that inspired it. Underpants Collectors are people who want to accomplish something, lose weight, learn a new language or maybe start a business and quit their 9 to 5 but never actually do anything to get there. These people feel like they’re working hard, but they never actually reach their goal.

If this sounds like you, keep reading – we can fix it.

Two Examples of Voracious Underpants Collectors

Here are two examples, pulled from real people I know whose names have been changed to avoid embarrassment. Keeping with our South Park inspiration, let’s call them Stan and Kyle. Stan and Kyle are Underpants Collectors – people who, like the gnomes in the episode, have a starting point and an ending point but nothing in between so they just sit at step 1.

Stan is severely overweight. I’m talking obese. He knows it too, he’s been trying to lose weight for years. He picks a plan he likes or starts an exercise routine and sticks to it for a little while then quits. He talks about how he knows he needs to eat better while simultaneously cramming a fast food burger into his mouth. Stan gives every impression of knowing what he needs to do, and he knows that he has the knowledge to lose the weight, but he’s never successful.

After a while Stan starts to get whiny. It’s so hard to lose weight, he’s been trying for so long. Nothing ever seems to work. He talks at length about how great it would be to lose weight and how much he wants it, then skips his scheduled workout to catch American Idol. Internally Stan’s started to cast himself as a victim in all this and is steadily building an enormous collection of underpants.

Kyle is in a similar boat. He really wants to quit his job and start his own business. He has dreams of being self-sufficient, maybe not independently wealthy but able to make a comfortable living while setting his own hours and working from home.

Kyle talks endlessly of this goal. He obsesses over every scrap of information on starting your own business or making money online. He recommends get rich quick (and slow) books to all of his friends and family. Hour after hour of every day are devoted to reading and researching and learning about starting a business – and that’s it.

His obsession with figuring out what the best thing is to do means that he never actually does anything. His days are spent pouring over blog posts and growing a formidable pile of underpants.

Embracing Action

Do you see what the shared problem is between Stan and Kyle?

Both of them need to shut up and do something! They need to stop worrying about getting everything perfect or talking about what they need to do and just do it. Sometimes this is also called paralysis by analysis, but what it’s called doesn’t matter – it’s a waste of time and will never get you anywhere.

The fact is when it comes to accomplishing something, anything at all, the person who does something completely wrong is still going to get farther than the person who does nothing at all. I don’t care if you’re doing something as moronic as the Shake Weight – that’s still better than doing absolutely nothing.

Even if you fail it’s better than inaction. I love to fail. Failing is probably the single best learning experience you can have and if you never try you can never have the opportunity to experience it.

So if this sounds like you, if you’re the kind of person who reads tons of books and blogs and tutorials on how to do something and you talk about your goals all the time but never actually do anything about them – shut up and do something. Don’t collect underpants, go accomplish something.

Have any other advice for Underpants Collectors? Are you a former time-waster who’s taken charge and actually gotten things done? Think I’m being too mean to the whiners who never actually do what they want to do? Share it in the comments!

Photo Credit: B Tal

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